FEARS?

ever since my grandfather passed away, i have this fear.
whenever my mum or dad is sleeping, i would stand beside them very long to see if their chest is moving or not.
around last year november, my grandfather who was living with me for the past 10+ years passed away.

and.......

I WAS THE FIRST TO FIND OUT.

i remember everything well.

how i called out for him to help me open the gate. (yes, i've repeated this alot times on blog i think)

then how i open the gate.

and stood far away from him staring at home.

then walking over next to his body.

and feeling his cold hand.

and running out to my aunt's house (ya, she lives at the unit beside mine)

calling my dad.

then finally started crying.

i can still remember clearly how he looked like.

his pale yellowish face.........

now whoever who is around me sleeping, i would have the thought that he/she might stop breathing.

just like my grandpa.

and without fail. i would sit/stand beside the person to see if the chest rises.

yes, im super sensitive now.

ok, i dont know why i am blogging about this at this time.

just kinda missing my grandfather.